Community over crowds.

It is tempting to chase the biggest party, the busiest club, the longest guest list. We did, for a while — and we met more people and remembered fewer of them. Then we realised the swinging nights we actually treasure were the small ones.

Find a handful of couples you genuinely like. Share a bottle of wine at home first. Trade stories about the ridiculous, tender, hilarious reality of being open. Show up for each other's good news and each other's nervous first steps. That is what turns a scene into a community.

The lifestyle is at its best when it feels like friendship first — with benefits, yes, but friendship first. Everything else grows from there, and the play is better when it does.